WWW:
- There is a good investigation in here ad you can certainly raise this towards higher levels. However, there are some key aspects to work on..
EBI:
- Written English is a massive problem: When your question and opening sentence do not make sense you are asking for trouble/ Throughout the essay, you don't use capital letters consistently - no where near good enough for A2
- Similarly, you need to learn how to introduce quotes and write stronger topic sentences
- The paragraph on new technology/globalisation makes no sense. Take it out or remove it to discuss feminism
- You don't have enough academic research: books or journal articles. How many of your footnotes have page numbers?
- Similarly, you are lacking media theory... and often you apply media theory where it doesn't fit/make sense, you must add feminist theory now you've covered it in class with Mr Bush
- Some basic errors: confusing equality and inequity at one point
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